With the car going back and fourth to York, Ward & Rowlett, in Wellingborough, and I really want to type damning condemning remarks that are only somewhat unfair..

But the internet can be indelible and I don’t really think that every company that doesn’t quite meet my exacting high standards should ACTUALLY burn to the ground inexplicably. I don’t REALLY want generations of their families to be cursed to suffer unbearable hardship.

Besides which, the Mazda seems to be fine for the moment – and hopefully some good karma points might prevent it having to go back, but in case the universe decides my motor is still not ready again for the big wide world, I don’t want to burn bridges when I have to return.

As a result of the MX5 being off the road though, for convenience I had a free loan car, a 2013 Vauxhall Meriva.

There was nothing fundamentally wrong with it – but moving from a 10 year old sportscar, to a brand new pseudo-MPV, was comparitive to taking off a jet pack and replacing it by flying a space shuttle.

The console was full of gubbins though and it got me thinking, when I finally reached work and considered the fate of a company still relying on dated PCs running the archaic Windows XP.

.: and you cannot go along on the internet without encountering some article or other about the Google Driverless Cars – my God, I cannot read any more spun content on the subject and how it narrowly relates to this company or that… Grr!:.

So anyway, back on topic – There’s an old joke:
4 computer programmers going to a seminar, when the car they are travelling in breaks down – One of them says, ‘What should we do now?’ and another replies ‘…We should make sure it is switched off, with all the windows closed, all come right out and then try starting it again!’

Anyway – mashing all of these thoughts together, as I am more prone to doing then I should be, I got to thinking of a time in the not too distant future when all the cars are so abundant with technology that driving is no longer something a driving lesson, test or license is even a requirement for….

OPERATOR: Microsoft Car Support, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER: My car has just frozen and I can’t get it going!
OPERATOR: Okay, can you tell me are all of the windows frozen, or is it just one side of the car?
CUSTOMER: Huh?
OPERATOR:Do you have ice on ALL of the wind..
CUSTOMER: …No, not THAT Kind of frozen, I mean it’s stalled and it won’t go.
OPERATOR: I see, so can you tell me, did you plug it in overnight?
CUSTOMER: Of course I charged it, I’m not a complete mor… Hang on…. Yes, I definitely charged it!
OPERATOR: Okay, so assuming the charge light is green, have you had any error messages on the console?
CUSTOMER: Well there was this blue screen when I first tried it, but then when I switched it off and back on again, it seemed to load as normal.
OPERATOR: Okay, so what are you seeing on the screen, right now?
CUSTOMER: Just the normal screen, but nothing seems to be starting up.
OPERATOR: Okay…
CUSTOMER: Wait, there is a little yellow triangle in the bottom right of the screen!
OPERATOR: Ah, can I just get you to hover your finger over the triangle…?
CUSTOMER: It says ‘Windows is installing an important security update, please do not power down or switch off your car – 14 required updates..’
OPERATOR: Okay, I think that solves the problem, if you just wait until those updates have fully installed and the car has restarted, which could take several minutes, I am sure the car will be fine.
CUSTOMER: What? I have to be at work in 20 minutes, I cannot believe this…! What are these updates even for?
OPERATOR: They are Security updates, for protecting important personal information?
CUSTOMER: Important personal information, such as?
OPERATOR: You know, address and location details, etc?
CUSTOMER: Such as my home address and place of work?
OPERATOR: Exactly!
CUSTOMER: My home where my car is and my work, where my car won’t go, because it is busy installing updates?
OPERATOR: …erm?
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